The accidental yogi
An open letter to my teacher
There are so many things I want to say to you during class, but I’m aware that shouting out to you during a particularly intense crow pose could be disturbing to the other students. Every time something pops into my head, I silence myself and make a mental note to tell you after class. Except telling you after class never happens, because I float out of the studio on a yoga high, part exhausted, part elated, part wondering what I can eat for dinner when I get home!
So rather than bottle up all my thoughts, I’ve been writing them down when I get home (and get fed), my brain coming back down to reality from its yoga zen. And now there’s enough to fill a blog, so I’d like to share them with you (and the world) now. In no particular order, this is just the randomness inside my head.
*I’m sorry that I don’t come to class often enough. Really I am. Inside my head I am a dedicated yogi. In real life, I’m a mess. There’s always an excuse, a reason I haven’t come to class, and feel like I let you down when I say I’ll be there but I’m not. But I always want you to know, it isn’t anything to do with you or your teaching. I love you, I love the class, I love the yoga. It’s me… and I’m working on it!
*Why do you always go to the back of the room during Kapalbhati? Is it to avoid everyone’s bad breath?
*I love it when you say ‘hears’ instead of ears. Your accent when you speak English (let’s call it French via South America) is so cute! I don’t think I would actually understand another yoga teacher anymore if they told me to put my biceps behind my ears.
*I’m sorry that you see me at my worst. Armpits in need of a wax, make-up streaming down my face, red face, chipped pedicures, pimples and cold sores (on a really bad day!), bloated belly and eeek! Even the odd camel toe. I know as a teacher you’re not supposed to judge me, but if I was you… Just saying.
*Don’t you ever just want to get everyone’s yoga mats and line them up with military precision in the studio so there is a perfectly symmetrical gap between each one? Or is that just me?
*I feel so grateful I get to absorb your yogic wisdom through writing your blogs. Sometimes I feel at a bit of an advantage compared to the other students (like, what I lack in technique, I make up for in knowledge) but I know that’s wrong. It doesn’t stop me from being happy when I know the answer to a question before you’ve finished asking it!
*Do you ever just secretly turn the temperature in the room down a few degrees? Some days I swear it’s cooler (or hotter) than others!
*I want you to be proud of me. Sometimes, when I think I’ve nailed a position (and I don’t mean Savasana), like, say, Bow pose, I look over at you hoping for some recognition, but you stay solid, strong and focused. Is it because you don’t want the other students in the class to be jealous if I’m teacher’s pet? I know, I know, being proud is not the objective of yoga.
*But really… who is teacher’s pet anyway?
*Sometimes (not often), after class, I jump in my car and go straight for a McDriveThru. It’s just so close to the studio and I get so hungry and I don’t think it makes me a bad yogi. But I do wonder if you think I’m a bad yogi. I don’t want you to think I’m a bad yogi. I’m a good yogi… at heart.
*Do you judge me when I don’t come to practice because I am hungover?
*Most of all, you inspire me. From the oh-so-flexy way you just ease yourself elegantly into a posture to show the students how its done and the funny little jokes you make in class between asanas to the deep level of interest you show in our lives outside of the studio, plus your unquenchable thirst for yogic knowledge, I think you’re amazing. And I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all that you’ve taught me, and all that you’ll continue to teach me. Because you know I’ll be back in class… tomorrow!